Author, relationship expert comes back to SJ Published May 10, 2011 By Tech. Sgt. Tammie Moore 4th Fighter Wing Public Affairs SEYMOUR JOHNSON AIR FORCE BASE, N.C. -- A world-renowned author who has become a common stay on the New York Times Best Seller List will hold a free seminar to share his expertise on relationships with the base community here May 17. Dr. Gary Chapman, author of "The Five Love Languages," will speak about the five signs of a healthy family, love as a way of life and how to get your spouse to change without manipulation at the base theater from 6-8:30 p.m. This will be the doctor's second visit to Seymour Johnson AFB. Chap. (Lt. Col.) William O'Sullivan, 4th Fighter Wing, met the doctor at a conference last year and extended him an invitation to speak here under the Year of the Air Force Family Program. The visit was so well received by the base population that he invited Dr. Chapman back. "This is equivalent to bringing in one of the top five marriage relationship counselors in the world. He is world renowned. This is huge," Chaplain O'Sullivan said. After the seminar, the author of more than 30 books will meet with audience members and sign autographs. Throughout the last five years, Dr. Chapman has spoken at several military installations. "The reason I spend as much time as I can with the military is because of the stress level of military marriages," he said. "The divorce rate among military (members) is much higher than the civilian population. I think there is no question deployments put a huge pressure on a marriage. When you are deployed again and again, you end up spending more time apart than you do together over a three- or four- year period." Dr. Chapman recommends families dedicate time to work on strengthening their communications skills before they face a deployment. "I think the deepest emotional need we have is the need to feel loved," he said. "And if you are married, the person you would most like to love you is your spouse. In fact, if you feel loved by your spouse the whole world looks bright." To help couples create this bright world, Dr. Chapman stresses the five love languages in his books and at his seminars. He believes people receive and process love through one of five primary methods: words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service or physical touch. "If you get the concept down of the five love languages, and that each of you has a different love language, you (can) learn how to speak that language when you are together," he said. "Then when you deploy you can still speak the language long distance." According to Dr. Chapman, the same five love languages apply to children and teenagers. "Most of us did not grow up knowing how to speak all five languages," he said. "We perhaps learned one or two but the healthiest child is the one who gets heavy doses of the primary and the other four are sprinkled in. If a child feels love from mom and dad when they are together, (the deployed parent) can communicate with the child long distance in the language of that child." During his last visit, Dr. Chapman left the SJ community with a challenge. "My challenge would be to (have) every married couple go to a marriage enrichment event once a year," he said. "When I say marriage enrichment event it may be something that the chaplain's office, Airman & Family Readiness Center or a local church is putting on. I also suggest once a year you read and discuss a book on marriage. If they would do those two things chances are they will keep their marriage growing." Chaplain O'Sullivan encourages everyone to attend this seminar. "You may never get another opportunity to spend an evening with arguably the foremost marriage expert in the country," he said. For more information about the seminar, call the base chapel at 722-0315.