The join spouse experience: new, seasoned couples discuss their journeys

  • Published
  • By Airman 1st Class Aaron J. Jenne
  • 4th Fighter Wing Public Affairs
SEYMOUR JOHNSON AIR FORCE BASE, N.C. --  Every service member knows life in the military brings a unique set of challenges and benefits.

An even more unique aspect of military life, with its own set of challenges and benefits, is the join spouse marriage. These military couples can apply for the join spouse program, a Department of Defense initiative whose purpose is to place married military members in the same geographic area whenever possible, but they aren't able to accommodate in every situation.

Dual-military marriages may face obstacles that differ from those of their military counterparts, but many say they've learned to embrace and appreciate the experience.

One Seymour Johnson Air Force Base couple has faced many obstacles throughout their relationship and careers, but they said they always come out on top.

Chief Master Sgt. Robert Haase, 4th Force Support Squadron superintendent, and his wife, Senior Master Sgt. Melissa Haase, 4th Contracting Squadron superintendent, first met at Malmstrom Air Force Base, Mont., in 1997. Three years later, the then staff sergeants married. Throughout their 14-year marriage, they've seen deployments, special duty assignments and Permanent Changes of Station (PCSs). But they say they've navigated their way through every obstacle.

According to Robert, the greatest challenge they faced was his special duty assignment as a Military Training Instructor (MTI) at Joint Base San Antonio-Lackland, Texas, from 2003 to 2008. Melissa received special duty orders to be a technical training instructor at the same base as her husband.

They were on the same base, but during the first year and a half, Robert had minimal free time each week. They prepared for the worst, thinking Robert might not be able to see his family very much at all. But that mindset made the time they did have together that much more special.

The first year and a half required Melissa to essentially raise her son like a single mother. She said she turned to her military family for support.

"It was hard raising our son alone, but with the help of military friends and families, we succeeded," she said. "They were my support structure. Without their help, I don't know how I could have made it."

During the last three and a half years as an MTI, Robert's job was such that he found time to spend each weekend with his family. He said the key to making it through this and other challenges was communication. Both of them agree that communication is the key to any relationship, personal or professional. Communicating wants, needs and career aspirations are all part of the process.

Throughout their career, the Haase's made decisions to benefit each other. According to Robert, he would pick an assignment that advanced his career and his wife would come along, but next time she would pick an assignment that would help her professionally. This mutual approach helped them balance their professional and personal relationship.

"We encourage each other, and we don't compete," Melissa said. "It's like we're both in a mentoring relationship. Since we're both superintendents, we ask questions and bounce situations off each other."

The Haase's aren't their only source of help. They said the Air Force has been there for them every step of the way.

"The Air Force has provided us both with rewarding opportunities commensurate with the level of effort put forth throughout our careers," Robert said. "We have been fortunate to receive assignments together through the join spouse program for 14 years now, and we hope that continues, of course. We could not reasonably ask for more in our lives than the Air Force has provided us for more than two decades."

The Haase's have successfully navigated 14 years of dual-military marriage, but how will a new couple stand up to military life?

Airmen 1st Class Kiernan Judd and Kathryn Loranger, 4th Medical Operations Squadron mental health technicians, married during technical school in July of 2013 at Fort Sam Huston, Texas.

"We talked about it a lot and decided we wanted to be together; we love each other," Loranger said. "We didn't want to be separated by hundreds of miles just as we were stepping into the operational Air Force."

They knew there would be challenges associated with a technical school marriage. According to Judd, they were proactive, completing paperwork and applying for join spouse orders early, which sent them to Seymour Johnson AFB in September of 2013.

They're trying to set themselves up for success by establishing clear objectives concerning work and home life. They said they keep their work completely professional, calling each other Airman Judd and Airman Loranger, and they don't bring work home and, likewise, don't bring their home issues to work. They balance their personal lives too, allowing some time each week to pursue individual endeavors.

They're also preparing for another eventuality - competing for rank. According to Loranger, knowing this will be in their future, they have decided to focus on the positive aspects rather than the negative.

To strengthen the foundation of their marriage, they took a couple's communication class hosted by Family Advocacy and the Airman and Family Readiness Center. Loranger said the class taught techniques that help them better communicate during arguments.

"My husband is my support system," Loranger said. "Any time I'm feeling upset, or I've had a bad day, he's there and he listens. I think as a new Airman coming into the military, it's important to have somebody to talk to, especially with few friends in the area. He's my best friend."

Both couples talked about the need for communication and the benefits that their dual-military marriages have awarded them. Despite the sacrifices they made along the way, they prove that having a dual-military marriage can be successful.

The success of these dual-military marriages can also be attributed to the join spouse program.

Master Sgt. Peter Perez, 4th Comptroller Squadron and Wing Staff Agency first sergeant, notes the goal of the join spouse program is to simply keep military couples together, though the process is typically anything but simple.

"The Air Force does a great job of trying to keep join spouse couples as close to each other as possible," said Perez. "Unfortunately there are limitations, such as job availability, rank requirements for duty positions and different service affiliations that must be taken into account when moving members around. We do whatever we can to keep couples as close to each other as possible."

Those interested in more information on the join spouse program should contact their first sergeant.